the mother and the whore 1973

i have always wanted to be a work of art,

and i wished i could find the way to become one

but i have never been one,

i have always wanted to fall in love with a poet,

and i have always wanted a poet to fall in love with me,

i wanted to be somebody's muse, somebody's inspiration,

somebody's reason to give in the poetry ,

and somebody's reason not to give up on art

but i'm not enough for poetry or a poet, or a writer or an artist or the art. 

so long since i wrote my last word, 

it feels kinda weird to be back here again,

i have never been talented in writing 

and it doesnt feel bad anymore,

i may not be like all those crazy writers,

all those magnificent artmakers

with the unstopable fireworks inside their heads,

and their flashing eyes, 

and their perfect way of expressing their feelings.

but it doesnt bother me anymore,

because i dont have to be like them

because i ca be something better

i can be ''nothing''.

and by being nothing u can become everything.

 i feel that it may be something else that i am good at,

and i will never know because i will never get the chance to try it,

becuase i may never thing that ''i can be good at something like that''

so i'm trying new things every day trying to find 

what is my speciality, what is my purpose in this world,

and as much i am trying 

and as much i'm waisting my time

 to create something out of me 

to leave as a mark after i depart,

i'm coming to conclusion that at the end of the day

i have found what i am good at.

my experiences makes me think 

that i am a good listener, 

people love to tell me their thoughts and struggles,

not because i am a good in finding solutions for them,

but because i have the ability ,

to feel empathy for them, and walk in their shoes,

but thats not my talent,

my talent is that i am able to see the opponent of the teller,

 at any given time,,

and talk to them clear and sharp 

about 

what they refuse to see,

or what they cannot see,

or what is hiden from them.

and this is what i am good at.

nothing more nothing less.

and maybe i am also good at 

smiling to strangers as well. 

most of them think im crazy 

and they do not stare back at me again,

but some of them 

smile back because they know 

that a smile is enough to change a mood 

and a day!